Somewhat of a beginning...

I enjoy using the written form to reflect on different experiences in life. I understand that often my words are only significant to me. However, the beauty of sharing thoughts and ideas is that they can open doors in the minds of others. Over the past few years, I have enjoyed traveling through the written words of my cousin’s blog. I find entering this world can be consuming to both the spirit and mind. Inspiration and thirst for life begins to seep out onto those close by – challenging the reader to live life on purpose. So here are my personal experiences, my reflections, my hopes and dreams – as well as my weaknesses, my fears, and my failures. All working together to create the collage that is life.
I am entering a new stage of life – in other words, I am in the process of transitioning from school into career. Graduating left me with a feeling of sadness for what familiarity and guidance I was leaving behind. However, this sadness was coupled with a building eagerness to see what was on the path ahead. This new stage brings the anxiety of the unknown and the fear of possible failure in an area that is my heart’s passion. As I feel more familiar with this stage, I have become more aware of how important it will be to maintain a sense of balance and center.
I just returned from a wonderful trip that was a time of reflection, dreaming, and creating new goals for what is to come. I am working at digging deep to see what dreams are closest to my heart. At times I find being alone with my thoughts intimidating… but it is in those moments that your heart and spirit breathe the words your mind needs to hear… So I am trusting that as I become more open to what is both around me and within me, I will be led in a more real and genuine direction.
In working towards maintaining balance, I have begun to work through activities that challenge my personal creative process. I began to explore unrestricted drawing and sketching today. All the activity asks is that you do not restrict any thought or movement that comes through. One page I started filling with words that I hope to live by. Hope, love, dreams, passion, goals…etc.; yet, as I continued it became more difficult to think of words along this same line. My charcoal shifted and began writing words over what had been previously written. Words like fear, weaknesses, control, and failure began to appear. Feelings that can often be restrictive forces in life. Perhaps these words come forth because in my mind they can have great power if I allow them to. This visual provided a powerful image of how things so close to our hearts can be hidden for fear of what forces outside may push back. This is familiar to me - at times I find myself concerned with the thoughts of others, how they perceive what I say and do; and other times my own thoughts tear down what I expose. I am finding that I am more willing to learn about the different ways my heart reacts to situations, instead of feeling threatening I feel more empowered to be present during those moments and see value in them.
The most empowering feeling, however, is the understanding that this a journey with no end point. I can only make an effort to simply live in a way where I am present in each moment.