Mixed feelings...

At this moment, my heart feels uneasy. In one breath I am overwhelmed with sadness when I think that in two days I will be leaving. In the next moment my spirits lift at the thought of seeing my brother at the arrivals gate and at the thought of spending time with my close friends from home and my other two musketeers.

When I began planning my trip to Toronto – it was just an adventure to a great city. The only emotional connections were my wonderful cousin (although I believe that secretly I continue to hope she is not a permanent Toronto resident) and a few “acquaintance” friends who I had spent only a little time with. Now, in the face of leaving, I realize how settled I have become. I feel comfortable with the area I live in and the regular places I visit. The friends I have made here have become a wonderful blessing in my life. They have different backgrounds and different life experiences, but they are so giving and we are always able to laugh together. I have enjoyed living with Heather and Patrick. It is very painful to think of not seeing Heather as often. Not only do I love the people that are here in Toronto, I have fallen in love with Toronto - the energy, the tastes and sounds, and the vibrant cultural life. It will be very difficult to now step back to a place where things move at a much slower pace and where my stress levels tend to rise!

There are many things that I am looking forward to at home. My bed : ) and having my own household things. My wonderful support system that knows me in my everyday life – not just the 2-month window where I am relaxed and peaceful. My mountains… I do miss them. Instead of focusing on the negative about my next step, I need to focus on goals to keep my spirit high and discover how to carry on the benefits I have experienced this summer. I have many things that I hope to work towards this year. And I will explore what options I have for this next year – making a decision that settles my heart and continues to invigorate my spirit. These are the things I tell myself – but at times I cannot get past the mixed feelings I have in my heart. The feelings that at this moment are causing my eyes to well and my heart to hurt – I need to remember to breathe. 

Things of such significance...

At this moment what do I see? I see the impressive abstract glass windows that make up the front of the Royal Ontario Museum. They are meant to grab your attention and entice you inside to experience things of different size, but equal significance! I love to learn and as a result, I find the thought of wandering through hallways filled with artifacts and information appealing. Early on in my trip, I spent the afternoon here with a friend exploring the Dead Sea scrolls exhibit. To think that these pieces of parchment have survived thousands of years to be discovered, translated, interpreted and lived by. To say the least, they are objects of significance in the history of Jewish and Christian people. Maybe one day we will discover that the overlap between various religions is such that we all serve the same Being in different ways. We may discover that instead of arguing our own uniqueness, we should be acknowledging our similarities.

I believe that when I stop and look back on my life, this summer will always hold great significance in my life. Not because I learned basic French, nor because I spent two months away from home. It is significant because of how I have grown. It is significant because of the people who have touched my heart and the places that have opened my eyes. I have felt alive and inspired. Loved and challenged. Without question I know that I was meant to spend this summer in Toronto.