Anticipation of Change...

Sometimes change happens so quickly that we are left dumbfounded – unsure how to process the situation. Other times, change happens so slowly that we are unable to pin-point exactly where it began or see where it ended. Maybe in these situations change is not the right word. Perhaps we are just walking along our life’s path and at moments we wake up and find ourselves in a different place. In these moments of reflection, we see clearly where we have come from and look forward to where we are headed. Things look different because our spirits grow and… change. Our experiences and feelings weave through our lives changing our perspectives, our desires and our dreams.

I feel myself changing. The way I look at the world has shifted so much over the past few years. My dreams and desires have also changed as I have experienced different things. I am content with who I am and what I am doing, but my heart aches for a change.

This change means uprooting myself and moving. Changing to live in a place that I love, being around people I care about, going back to school and working towards a new professional goal. All these things are intimidating and overwhelming to process. However, instead of fear and anxiety I feel anticipation and excitement. I miss so many things about the city I fell in love with over the summer. The busy spirit, the multi-cultural flare and artistic influence make Toronto a desirable place to be.

So, when I found myself in a different place and recognized how I have changed, I made decisions. I have applied to programs and I will continue to look at other options as back-ups. At home I do not feel as motivated or content – so I need to move where I will feel happy. Will I miss things about the life I have here? Of course! I have wonderful friends, an incredible family and mountains. These things will continue to exist while I am gone and coming home is always an option. My heart just feels pulled in a different direction and making the choice not to follow it would be cheating myself. So, I am being open to what is ahead. I am open to changes and growth. I am open to new experiences and new feelings. I face all these things with anticipation.

Balance...

Breathe in...Breathe out...Breathe in...Breathe out...this is my life-giving rhythm that guides me through each pose of the Sun Salutation. I have just started taking a yoga class. I have always loved the idea of yoga and have worked through various poses with the guidance of friends or an interesting DVD. However, there is something powerful about hearing the voice of another presence in the room. Guiding you to feel and be aware of your body. I love being able to move through different positions and feel where my body is strong and where it is weak. I am learning the power of breathing and the immense joy of mindful relaxation. Some days I do not feel like stretching my tired and tightly-wound body. However, when I step onto my mat and hear the South-African accent of my wonderful teacher I feel peaceful. So many things within Yoga practice are based around the concept of balance. Phrases such as, “What you do to one side, you must also do to the other” or “The flow of breath both in and out” are centered on balance. So are many of the poses, challenging you to strengthen your core and balance your body.

I feel that going to Yoga has also challenged me to look at balance in other areas of my life. This summer was so invigorating and refreshing. I was very active and my mind was engaged in so many different and unique things. I explored and learned. I read and wrote. I slept and walked. My life was filled with balance.

Coming back to school has been an adjustment. I have come home to the familiar. My life is naturally filled with stress and exhaustion – which sometimes makes me wonder if this is the path I will stay on forever. However, I am learning that I need to balance. I am learning the importance of not doing work on the weekends. Instead I am spending time with friends, family or with myself.

I am learning to balance… something that will probably take a lifetime to master.